February 17, 2011....

Is a date that will forever change my life. It is the day I became a mother. The past week of my life has been the quickest, hardest, most fun, most rewarding week of my life.I now find it hard to believe that there was a time in life when I questioned whether or not I would ever want children.

Stella Rae Sadie made her way into this world on February 17, 2011 at 10:09 p.m. She weighed 7lbs 7oz and was 21 1/4 inches long. She is every bit of perfect to me. Nick and I are so blessed.

Not that I have much of a clear mind these days due to sleep deprivation,however, I find myself wondering how in the world I am to guide this child through life so that she is a strong woman who loves God and can make wise choices. The only thing that comes to mind is Bethany Dillon's song Beautiful. As women we are bombarded with images of perfection. I want Stella to know that she will never be perfect but is perfectly loved by a God who created her in His image. What a responsibility I have to show her what beautiful is supposed to reflect.....

Lyrics to Beautiful by Bethan Dillon

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

What Would Life Look Like If....

I love college football, especially Clemson football. I enjoy going to the games and a winning season. I get way too emotionally attached when we don't do well and I hear people talking trash about Clemson. Facebook does not help this problem at all. After the emotional rollercoaster that Clowney induced in the media after prolonging his announcement, I began to ponder the idea of what our world would look like if we invested as much emotion in hunger, poverty, poor education, homelessness, etc. What if we cared as much about other people as we did about whether or not Clowney commits to our school of choice...what would this world look like? Just a thought...

Why I Still Seek Him ( a comprehensive overview of my life april - present )

It has taken me some time to muster up the courage to post anything regarding my life for the past 8 months. But as I have time to process and reflect, I know that I must share with you what has been happening. All of the twists and turns my life had taken this year are so not about me but what God is able to do with sin and His ability to redeem and make life new.

In January of last year I prayed, half believing, and asked God to just please let 2010 be the year. My, my, my...I didn't know what I was asking for! God was so faithful to teach me so many things last year and to bring me to a place of such peace in the midst of my SINGLE circumstances. I had finally come to a place where I truly was enjoying life. After attending the Nicaragua mission trip in 2009, I knew that my heart was to take care of patients again ( as noted in earlier posts ). I applied and was accepted to USC to get my Masters as a Nurse Practitioner. I was beyond excited and ready to take on the challenge of being a student again. In the meantime of applying for school I met a wonderful man - Nick. He was unlike anyone I had ever met. I no longer found myself wondering when I would meet someone. Instead, I found myself asking - could this really be it?! As we got to know each other I was more and more comfortable with the idea of never meeting anyone again. I wasn't in a hurry to marry this guy - but there was just something about him. I am so thankful for that assurance early on in our relationship. Life was good and I found myself so thankful for how 2010 was unfolding.

In the midst of God's faithfulness I found myself tangled up in my own selfishness and sinful desires. God had brought me so far and I was ready to do it my way. On June 2 I discovered that I was expecting...and NOT married! How could I have let this happen? Due to time's sake, I will not detail out all of the emotions that ran through me but let's just say that the next 6 weeks would be full of some of the most difficult decisions and discussions as I had to reveal to family and close friends what was happening. During this time, God humbled me by how gentle His presence is. I knew that I could make a choice - I could go through this with or without Him. So, Nick and I decided that we would opt to let God carry us through and show us the way. I have learned so much about God's mercy and character throughout the past 8 months. He truly never fails us and He does pick us up from our self-created disasters and shapes us to be more like Him. The outpour of love and support from family and friends was an extension of God's love for Nick and me. Nick and I were going to do this - we were going to have this baby and hope for the best.

What was "best" supposed to look like? I had always, ALWAYS imagined that I would be married for about 5 years and then it would be time to have children - if I wanted them by then. Clearly, my fairy tale existence was not panning out the way I had always envisioned. So, together Nick and I had to make the decision of whether or not we would marry. I know that this probably seems like the logical choice - he's the father of my unborn child. I wish that the decision had only been that easy. Nick was not the problem - I was. I didn't want to get married just because we had a baby on the way. I was full of pride. I was freaking out. It just wasn't supposed to look this way so how could it ever be right, nevertheless, God's plan for Nick and me? Then, it hit me. We had created our circumstances out of our disobedience. Perhaps, it was time for me to consider what obedience looked like in the midst of the self-inflicted chaos. So, I got real with God. I told Him what I was afraid of. I told Him how ashamed I was of myself for allowing this to happen. I knew that I needed to marry Nick. I think that the most ironic theme in this decision is that the peace to marry Nick did not come until I decided to put my will to the side and let God decide what should happen. Not until Nick and I took the our first step of faith together and decided to marry did we begin to experience the redemptive power of a Living God in our lives. What could have been a devastating set of circumstances slowly blossomed into one of the sweetest times I have experienced. Nick and I married on Oct 1, 2010. It was the wedding that my inner little girl had always dreamed of...and most importantly, I was sure that I had finally found my prince.

Nick Sadie is a good man - he took on the challenge of marrying me! Although it has only been a whopping 4 1/2 months since we said "I do", marriage has already taught me so much. A lot of what I have learned about myself hasn't been pretty. I am selfish,impatient and demand my way far too often. These ugly truths about myself have not been easy to face. I am so thankful that Nick loves me in spite of all of my flaws. His strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa. No matter how we made it to the altar, I could not imagine a man more suited for me.

So, here I am on Feb 3, 2011 at 5:45 in the morning - one week out from the expected arrival date of our daughter Stella Rae Sadie. I am swollen, rotund and uncomfortable most of my waking hours. I will not lie and tell you that I love being pregnant. I do not! However, I do love this child and I haven't even met her yet. I find myself anticipating her next move. I know when she's probably sleeping and when she will be active. I know that sugar makes her happy ( tell tell sign that she is mine ). I know that she was created to fulfill a purpose that God has only for her. I pray for her. I pray that she would have an easy love for God...that she will not be like her momma and have to figure things out on her own. I pray that God will protect her from the evils of this world while shaping her into a realistic human being. I pray that Nick and I live a life that leads her to God and makes her want to know Him. I pray that the love that Nick and I have for each other will pour over into feelings of safety and security for her. I pray that I will know what to do with her when she get here :)! Needless to say, this is quite an overwhelming time emotions. However, throughout every fear and joy, there has been a supernatural peace that carries me. The peace and assurance that God is in the midst of every feeling I experience and He sustains me. What a sweet, sweet time the past 8 months have proven to be. Oh, how sweet it is to trust in Him!

Meet Nick

It's All a Matter of Faith

"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Luke 1:45

For what are you believing God? Does it seem that He doesn't hear you? Or, better yet, is it hard to believe that He has chosen you for the life that He's entrusted to you?

I struggle on a very frequent basis with all of these questions. It is so hard to believe in something that you can't see but are so certain of. I am not only speaking about believing in God, I am talking about believing in His love and the plans that He has for us.

Recently, I had a very peculiar encounter with a date. Let's just say it was a blind date gone bad....REAL BAD. I will leave it at that. The timing of this date was kind of hard for me. And when it comes to boys, I just seem to be disappointed each time a new prospect comes along. It is not necessarily the person that I am disappointed with ( except the blind date ) it is that nothing seems to work out for me in the relationship department. After each "date gone bad" I always wonder why God allows me to have these experiences. Why do I have to go through the process over and over again to only feel defeated in the end when nothing works out? Yes, I call this a pity party. However, I feel like so many of us can relate to these feelings just in very different areas of our lives.

Needless to say, I was mid-pity party when I stumbled upon the verse above in my quiet time the other day. God taught me several things in that moment:

1. He hears my heart. He knows my heart so much better than I do. He loves me immeasurably more than I can imagine.

2. His ways are above my ways and His plan is perfect. This verse comes from the story of Mary's conception. If you will remember, Elizabeth, Mary's relative was six months pregnant with John the Baptist. Elizabeth was advanced in years and had resigned to the fact that she would not have children. I am sure that it pained God as she cried out to Him over and over again. I imagine that He was heartbroken each time His child approached His lap with a heavy heart because she just could not understand why He would withhold such a great thing. But, just like a loving Father, He knew what was in store for her and that His plan would exceed any and all expectations that she had ever placed on her life or her God. Because Elizabeth never lost her faith in her Abba Father or tried to manipulate His plan, He blessed her with a two-fold miracle: conceiving at a ripe age and the privilege to carry and mother John the Baptist who would prepare the way for our Savior. Wow! Let God's timing and perfect plan sink in. Where would we be today if Elizabeth had settled for anything less than what her Heavenly Father had for her?

3. This verse in Scripture is so feminine. "Blessed is SHE..." Girls, it is time that we LIVE out our faith. We need to be women who believe in a God who is capable of all things and pass this legacy along to the generations to follow. Oh, how my choices would have been different if only I had believed in God then like I do now.

4. God honors our faith in Him. Faith is the number one thing that pleases God.

So, let me ask you again...what is it that you are believing your Abba Father for? What is it that God is asking of you to move you closer to Him? I used to think that I would only ask these questions of God on occasion. Now, I try to ask Him this everyday. Each day I ask Him to reveal what I need just for that day and sometimes, moment. This discipline has revolutionized my relationship with God. I see everyday answers to prayers that I otherwise would have missed and when I begin to think - why me? why again? - I am quickly reminded of His faithfulness, His favor, His protection and His love.

To Loves Others as Jesus....

I don't know about you, but sometimes loving others the way that Jesus loves us is not my best thing. Christ's love for us is out of heart of submission to the Father and one of humility. I love the lyrics of the song below. I find peace in the love of Jesus and pray that He will give me the strength to love like Him!

Love Never Fails
By Brandon Heath

Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most
Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside
Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you
Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time
Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don’t
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you
When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this
Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life
Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you

Possibly the First Day of My New Beginning

Every day I get a Bible verse via email. Here is today's:
"And I will lead the blind by a way they do not know,
In paths they do now know I will guide them.
I will make darkness into light before them
And rugged places into plains.
These are the things I will do,
And I will not leave them undone."
Isaiah 42:16
This verse is a comforting reminder no matter what day you receive it. But, today is kind of a big day for me. As I have stated in an earlier post, I believe that God is directing me to return to school for a Masters Degree in Nurse Practitioner. Today is the day that I take my first step in the process of returning back to school. At 12 pm today I will take the GRE. I know, just a formality...hopefully :). However, I am not a test-taker. I get anxiety and second-guess every answer, even if I know that I am correct. Tests were a daunting task for me in my undergrad work. So, needless to say, I have been dreading today like the plague.

God knows His children so intimately well. Not only was I reassured of His plan for me through the verse that I received today, He also further affirmed Himself to me through my devotion ( 90 Days with A Heart Like His by Beth Moore - a study of David ). Today's devotion was all about getting started with what God has planned for us. Here is just a little background:

Key Verses: 1 Chronicles 22:11-19
David had already appointed Solomon as king and Solomon had taken over the throne of Israel. David spent the last year or two of his life watching and guiding Solomon's reign and it was time to build the tabernacle that would house the Ark of the Covenant...one of Solomon's most important charges from God during his time as king. Verses 18 - 19, "Is not the Lord your God with you? Has he not given you rest on every side? For He has given the inhabitants of the land into my hand, and the land is subdued before the Lord and before His people. Now set your heart and your soul to seek the Lord your God; arise, therefore, and build the sanctuary of the Lord God, so that you may bring the Ark of the Covenant of the Lord, and the holy vessels of God into the house that is to be built for the name of the Lord.

Don't be confused, God is not calling me to build a tabernacle but He is calling me to step out in faith and into a career that is to be used to honor and glorify Him. I am incredibly humbled and comforted that the God of all creation met with me this morning to encourage me to do His work. I now have no anxiety about this test and am confident that God will equip me to do see His work through to completion. Oh, how great is His love for us. Not only did He sacrifice His son so that we may not experience what we deserve, He loves us so much as to meet with me over a cup of coffee and a devotional book to cheer me on for the plans that He has for me. I do not have adequate words to articulate the joy and peace that this great love brings.

Update....2010 Thus Far

As you read in my earlier post, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time in November. Staying true to her faith and character, Mom faced her diagnosis with courage and grace and underwent a double mastectomy on Jan 4 of this year. January 4 had been looming over the Sharpe family for about a month as we knew what was ahead for Mom and our family. Quite frankly, the month of December was a complete blur to me. I spent most of the month numb and just doing what I had to do to maintain my job and responsibilities that life brings every day. December was full of doctor visits with Mom, processing the information that was being presented and trying not to allow fear to dominate my mind and emotions. I have never been so thankful for my precious family as I was during this past Holiday Season. We have always been close but God definitely used this diagnosis to knit us even closer together as a family and closer to Him.

Staying true to it's nature , time came and went as did January 4. Mom came through her surgery resoundingly well and welcomed recovery as her new normal. Despite Mom's tremendous progress during the first two weeks post surgery we did face a bump in the road. Mom's skin was not healing on her right side and if something was not done she could face infection and a longer road of reconstruction. Mom had a skin graft done on January 20 and once again handled the surgery like a champ! As of today, Mom is recovering nicely and taking each new day as it comes. The entire process for reconstruction will take anywhere from 9 months to a year. Thank you for all of the prayers for Mom. We, as a family, believe from the bottom of our hearts that it is your prayers that have carried us as a family and sustained Mom during such an emotional time in our lives.

As I have reflected over this bittersweet time, I have found one thing to be true: A grateful heart will bring about great things. Mom has demonstrated a spirit of gratitude throughout this entire process. It is hard for me, as her daughter, to wrap my mind around why my mother should be chosen to endure yet another cancer diaganosis and a surgery that will forever change her body. However, Mom's attitude was one that did not ask why but chose to be thankful for every good thing that was to come out of this situation. The following passage came to mind the week of her diagnosis and continues to penetrate my heart when clouds of doubt roll in:
"Rejoice in the Lord always: again I will say rejoice! Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known to God. And the PEACE of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

So many good things have resulted from one hard, challenging trial that God has placed in front of my mother.
1. Mom has a deeper faith and understanding of how God has protected her throughout this entire process. He has used this time to draw her even closer to Him. I really didn't know that was possilbe because if you knew my mom one word you may use to describe her would be saint.
2. From the outside looking in, my parents' relationship has been enriched and they have learned to love each other in a completely new way. My dad has been an incredible nurse and has definitely sacrificed a lot to be by my mother's side throughout this time. The sweetest thing is that he would not call it sacrifice.
3. Mom and Dad have been loved on by so many people. It is evident how much my mother is loved in her community and church family. The outpour of others' love has been breathtaking. Mom and Dad had a meal provided for them almost every night for the past month.
4. On a personal note and after much grace and time to process what the next steps of my life will be, I now know, with complete clarity, that I will be returning to patient care eventually. I am in the process of applying to graduate school for the Nurse Practioner program. I am very excited about this possiblity and am excited to see what God chooses to do with me.

It is with a grateful heart that I close today's post. Stay tuned....

Too Much on One Plate

I find myself starting each new blog with an apology for not updating frequently enough. I don't know why I feel the need to do such a thing. It is not like I have a following of more than 2 people. But, to the 2 of you who keep up with me - I am sorry for not updating my blog sooner. Needless to say, it has been quite a journey since my last post.

Where to begin....
Fall is a tremendously busy time for me every year. School starts. Clemson football season tickets. Leaves changing. Absorbing every last drop of nice weather. Travel with job. Family time. Time with friends. All important. All consuming every last minute of my time. When I get busy I get distracted. I find it hard to focus on much of anything - especially those things that require my attention and heart on a daily basis.

God has a funny way of reigning me back in. He is constantly proving to me how little control I have over my life. He continues to be faithful and I am humbled by His sovereignty. Just when I had decided I was done living in Greenville and it was time to make a move again because my life has not changed He boldly affirmed to me that He knows what He is doing and that He has it under control! The Friday before Thanksgiving the Sharpe family was hit with the devastating news that my mother had breast cancer again. Mom was diagnosed with DCIS - which is the BEST diagnosis to get - after being cancer free for 11 years. After many tests, prayers and additional diagnoses, Mom will be undergoing bilateral mastectomy at the beginning of the year. It was not an easy decision to reach but all parties involved feel that this is in Mom's best interest and it is the decision with which she finds most peace. I just have to chuckle because I was ready to begin exploring the possibilities of alternative places to live just 3 days before learning about Mom's cancer. I have struggled intermittently with why God has me back in Greenville when there are so many other places to live. I do love Greenville but I was becoming restless and ready to take life into my own hands when part of God's plan and reasoning was unravelled before me. I am confident that Mom's diagnosis serves as a primary reason that I am right here in Greenville. I have been able to attend every doctor's appointment with her and help her process all of the information that has been given to her. I am right where I need to be.

So often I grow so weary and uneasy with my life. Some days are a constant battle and I wonder if I will ever see change. I also experience days when I know that I am right where I need to be. I just wish that it didn't take a cancer diagnosis for me to be reminded of the fact that I am not in control and that this life just really is not about me. God's plans are perfect.

There have been several other stresses in my life recently that I will not bore you with. However, in all these things I have found that a thankful heart makes each trial so much more bearable. Yes, God does have the power to change any circumstance and I am puzzled, at times, as to why He has not chosen to change mine. But, where would I be in the midst of these circumstances without Him and His power to change them. In Him is where I place my hope. In Him is where I place my trust. Without these circumstances I don't know if this hard-headed girl would have ever learned how to hope or trust Him. I am not in control.

Sometime Words Just Aren't Enough

It has been a great month. God just keeps showing up in big ways. I have never experienced a time in life where I KNOW that God is at work and I am ok with what He is trying to do. Here some highlights of what has been happening:

As I was struggling with what my life was supposed to look like without idolizing my desire to get married, I was growing more and more frustrated. I journaled on August 28, "God, I want to give you this. I want you to be first. I don't know how I am supposed to do this. I am so frustrated. I am confused as to what this is all supposed to look like. I NEED YOU TO SHOW UP IN A BIG WAY!". That evening I was attending the Beth Moore simulcast here in town. The theme of the weekend was Psalm 37:4. "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart". I think God heard me and He, indeed, showed Himself to me in a big way. Beth Moore said during the conference that sometimes you need an event to permanently change you. That weekend was my event. I heard God tell me that it is ok to want to get married and that I should not be struggling so hard. He wants to give me the desires of my heart but He cannot do that until it is time. In the meantime, I have resolved to asking Him what He needs from me so that He is glorified and my destiny is fulfilled. I have experienced such freedom since that weekend.

The very next weekend I went to Hilton Head with some of my friends from church. I went to Nicaragua with two of the girls. The other two girls are part of a Bible study that I am in. Everyone did not know each other. It was such a great weekend. By the end, it was as though we had all been friends for years. I can't explain to you how honored I am to know these girls and be a part of their lives. The more amazing thing is - they allow me to share part of my life with them as well. I am truly thankful for friendships that God knits together. There is nothing like it.

On a light-hearted note, I have come to know God's sense of humor beyond the fact that He thought it was a good idea to create me. In Nicaragua we were awakened by pesky roosters every morning. I don't know what it was, but the crow of a rooster there did not sound the same as it does here at home. Well, I had fun with this all week and even earned a superlative on the trip because of my severe disdain for these animals. Moving along...I was at Cleveland Park walking the Friday that we were leaving for Hilton Head. This is nothing new - I have been there 100's of times. As I was approaching the equestrian center in the park I heard a rooster crow twice. I was stopped in my tracks and just started laughing. I have never heard a rooster in that park before - NEVER! God just reminded me that He laughs with us and at us all of the time. He is the author of humor and I am so thankful for the personality with which He has entrusted me. It was a gentle reminder that He longs to be with me. He does not need me in the middle of crisis or struggle to show Himself. God became so much more personal to me on that day.

Am I Not Enough?

I find myself asking this question a lot. I wonder why things are the way that they are and the same question always come to mind - am I not enough? Today I felt God asking me this question. Karis, am I not enough for you?

Prior to leaving for Nicaragua, I had this overwhelming sense that I was about to enter into something that was so much bigger than myself. I felt the Holy Spirit preparing me and inviting me to truly engage in what God had for my life. If you had asked me then exactly what that looked like I would have told you, with complete certainty, that God was calling me to a foreign mission field and I needed to send in my resignation and pack my bags - this was it! Well, I am glad that I thought these things prior to leaving for Nicaragua. And, I am sure that God really appreciates me dictating what He has for me. But, to my defense, I was so completely overwhelmed that I did not know what else He could be calling me to. Moving on...as the week went on in Nicaragua I knew that, for right now, the mission field is not where God wants me. So, if not the mission field, then what? I began to focus on my career and how that needs to change. And, I am still convinced that my career will not always look like it does now, but I do know that I am right where I need to be for the moment. So, if He is not calling me to missions and He is not asking for an immediate career change, then what does He want?
As I have been back from Nicaragua and pondering what God is trying to do in my life, I have been doing a short devotion every day on David. I really felt like this was the devotion that God led me to and found myself pouring out my heart every day about my desire for marriage and what that is meant to look like. Well, today it hit me square between the eyes what that desire is supposed to look like-a sacrifice. It is supposed to be sacrificially laid on the altar for God to do with it whatever He chooses. GULP! I am beginning to see that part of what God was calling me to prior to Nicaragua involves giving Him my dreams. I have to give God the authority to change my desires. Instead of telling God that I am believing Him for marriage, God convicted me that I must believe Him to bring about His plan for my life and somehow my desires will begin to mirror what He has for me, not what I have for me.
Do you know how afraid I am right now? This is scary business. God has very clearly shown me through His word that I am not entitled to my dreams. He has convicted me that although marriage is not a bad desire to have, I must lay it before Him to do with it what He will. You see, I was holding on to this desire thinking that it was ok for me to trust God with it as long as He does not change it. That is not trusting God the way that He calls us to trust Him. When He called the disciples, He told them to abandon everything...EVERYTHING! And the more shocking part is that they did it and look how it changed the world.
I honestly can't imagine my life without the desire for marriage as a part of it but I do know that I must abandon it. God is asking for it. If He is to have all of me, He is to have all of my hopes and my dreams. But, in turn, He is inviting me to a life where He promises that He is enough. I am encouraged by His Word. In Genesis, right before Abraham bound Isaac to the altar Abraham spoke with such faith as he assured his son that God would provide. It was not until Isaac was on the altar that God provided. In Psalm 103 God tells us that He makes everything work out right and just as a father has compassion on his children so does God for those who fear Him. From these verses I know that God will provide for me what I need based on His plan and that He understands me and He is compassionate with me. Sacrificially living your life out for God is not easy. In fact, it is the hardest thing that I have ever done. But, take it from this control freak - it is soooo worth it!

For Such A Time As This....

I cannot begin to express how perfect God's timing was for me. God placed me in Nicaragua just when I needed to be there most. The trip was an amazing experience and upon my return home I experienced many bittersweet emotions. Being away from everyday life here in the States presents you with the opportunity to recognize what is most important and reaffirm just how desperate we all are for a Savior.

Here is a recap from the trip....



This picture was taken at the clinic the first Sunday that we were in Nicaragua. After attending church that morning we spent our afternoon setting up the pharmacy at the clinic.



The picture above is the fruit of our labor Sunday afternoon. We were ready to see patients beginning at 8 a.m. the next morning.



Every morning we would circle up to pray as we started our day. In Nicaragua it is common practice for everyone to pray out loud at the same time. Although I could not bring myself to pray out loud I did find myself listening to the sound of English and Spanish speakers praying to God at one time. It was such an incredible experience to witness the power of prayer and to be humbled by how big our God is. He is so big that no matter what your native language is - He understands. He created each of the lives in that circle and knew when time began that we would be standing in Nicaragua together. It was quite a humbling experience.



As a patient entered the clinic some of our team would triage them prior to seeing the doctor. Two doctors were with us on the trip. Dr. Hoffman was with our group from Grace Church and Dra. Aracelis was the Nicaraguan doctor serving with us. The doctors demeanor with the patients and their devotion to seeing every patient was inspiring to watch. After the patients saw the doctor they were led to the tents behind the clinic(which is pictured above)to be presented with the Gospel. The tents were right outside of the windows in the pharmacy. While working to fill the prescriptions we could hear the Nicaraguans praying over everyone who came through the clinic. There were many professions of faith and re dedications. It was a moving experience to hear words that I could not understand while sensing completely that the Holy Spirit was present in those tents behind our clinic.



This is a picture of the tents in front of the clinic where the patients would wait for their medications. The team in Nicaragua on staff with Christ for the City International would do health care teaching as we were filling the prescriptions.



Here is our wonderful pharmacy team. We filled an average of 3-4 prescriptions per patient and saw 320 patients in four days. It was hard work but so rewarding. None of the pharmacy team had never worked in a pharmacy on a mission trip. The first day was tough but we finally got our system down by the end of the day on Tuesday. I was responsible for signing off on each prescription that went out of the pharmacy and for the oversight of the pharmacy. I was totally inadequate for the job but God worked through me to get the job done.





We also had a construction team with us that helped to lay a floor in the church. Two women, Kelly and Jillian, spent everyday with the children playing. All-in-all you could say that the white people attracted a crowd!

If you would like to see all the pictures from the trip you can go to http://disfrutalo.shutterfly.com. Each team member has downloaded their photos for everyone to share.

As I have had time to process all that God has done in my heart I have taken the following away from my experience:

1. As Christians, we are part of something that is bigger than ourselves. The world that we live in is not reality no matter how much we become enslaved to it. Passively living out our Christian faith is not what God calls us to. It is not what Jesus demonstrated in the Gospels and it will never wins souls for the Kingdom. I sensed the feeling of the overwhelming power of God in Nicaragua more than I have in my entire life. God revealed to me just how imperative it is that I understand that being a Christian means to deny myself daily and rest in the all encompassing power of who He is and what He longs to do in my life.

2. Life cannot be fragmented. We can't just give God part of ourselves. He wants everything. As I worked in the pharmacy and was surrounded by patients again, I realized that God gave me a heart to care about others. He gave me the desire to put my hands on people and comfort them. If I am not using the gift that He has given me in my career then I am not glorifying Him completely with my life. I am now exploring what is next for me and my career and am ready to move when God reveals to me my next step.

3. My obedience to God's plan must be my primary concern for the rest of my life. God must, MUST be my first priority. If He is not first then life will always be out of order. Once I submitted my will to Him it was freeing to realize how all my other desires became secondary to Him. I realized that my desires for marriage and a fulfilling career are not wrong - they are how He blesses me. But, I have been in the way. My career or a future spouse will never sustain the weight of my expectations. Only God can do that for me. When He is first everything else looks so much better.

Reality Check

I leave Saturday for Nicaragua and it really bothers me to know that my last post would've been about my lack of faith. Hence today's post...

I have had several reality checks since my last blog. I just thought that I would share some of my heart with you.
Here are things that I have learned in the past week and a half:

1. When you think that God is not providing - think again. I had a little temper tantrum with God last week when I was traveling with work. The truth of the matter is, I was just angry with God for not providing the entire amount for my trip. I was in the middle of my tyraid when He very strongly reminded me of three things: A) I have a job, a very good job that exceeds my needs and provides me financial opportunities to do things like go on a mission trip with little to no financial burden. I should receive this job with humility because it is from Him and other people would give anything to even have a job right now. WOW - that one hit me HARD! B) God did provide for me in the way that I originally asked Him to when I said yes to this trip. I have said, from the beginning, that if I raise half of the money for the trip I will be ok if I have to pay the other half. God provided five dollars more than half of my trip. Again, I was very humbled by this realization. I also realized that I put God in a box in the very beginning. I told Him how much to provide for me and then when I thought that it wasn't enough I started to complain and became angry at how unfaithful God seemed. My attitude was wrong and I wasn't ready to budge. Finally, C) When sin is present and you stubbornly settle into it you lose all of the security of who God is and what He is really doing in your life. I refused to believe that my feelings toward God were wrong. My attitude and actions portrayed this and I allowed the distance between God and me to become more and more. Guess what, Satan was accomplishing the very thing that he had set out to do 2 weeks prior to me leaving on a mission trip. I was more determined not to let Satan win than to stay mad at God and bask in my rotten attitude.

2. As much as I thought that I was prepared for Satan's attacks, I wasn't. I fell right into his schemes just as he wanted. I wasn't in the Word and definitely wasn't on my knees like I needed to be. I felt like I could handle it if I knew that it was coming. But Satan is much more shrewd than I am. He has managed to attack every insecurity that I have and then some. Satan definitely had the upper hand until one day I stopped and asked God for wisdom and freedom from the mind games. It is funny how a prayer so simple can bring such freedom and clarity.

I am excited to be leaving for Nicaragua in less than 48 hours. I am believing God that this trip will bring true life change and a much needed shift in perspective. Please be in prayer for our team as we will be gone starting July 25 and returning August 2. I anticipate great things and am looking forward to seeing how God is working in different parts of our world.

I Need Help...

....with my attitude.

July is so super busy I go into mild cardiac arrest thinking about how I am going to get everything done. I am traveling with work part of the first two weeks of July. I am on family vacation the third week and off to Nicaragua for the final week of this month. Although most of my travel is personal and exciting I am having a hard time finding enthusiasm.

The timeline for final payment for my Nicaragua trip is approaching ever-so-quickly. July 19 will be here far sooner than I prefer. Considering I have only raised half of my support for the trip, I am discouraged and disheartened. I know I am supposed to believe that God is faithful but, to tell you the truth, my faith is waning and I am starting to wonder if this trip was ever part of His plan for me. Low support, coupled with a waiting period that seems like it will never end, brings me to a place I rather not be. My spirits are low to say the least. Even though I know that it seemed pretty clear at the time to say yes to the trip, Satan has a tight grip on my mind right now and is trying to convince me that God does not make good on any of His promises....for me at least. I feel like I am on the perpetual side line watching God fulfill promises for everyone but me. Please pray that my mind and attitude would change as I have a very important trip for which I need to be spiritually prepared. Please pray that I will find my peace again and the joy that only God can bring.

I do believe...help my unbelief, lack of faith, attitude that stinks, etc...etc.

Thanks for your prayers and support. Please accept my apologies for this less than uplifting post!

Things that make you go hmmm....

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is
all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never
blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to
you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an
answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion, Today is special.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this
matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone and everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give it time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or
didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab
ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Random Quotes from an Almost Three Year Old

My niece will be 3 next month. It is hard to believe that she is growing up so fast. Although I miss her as an infant, I love the things that she can say now. She started talking pretty early and has developed quite the little vocabulary. Here are some things that she has to say...

One afternoon last week June 2009
Brooke ( Her Mom): Here Julia Anne, talk to Aunt Karis while I talk to Daddy on the phone.
JA: Hey Aunt Karis. Silence....long silence.
Brooke: JA, why are you not talking to Aunt Karis?
JA: Because she said she was tired of me. ( LIAR!!)



Early Saturday Morning
Cam, JA's dad had taken her to watch the moo cows while Brooke was home tending to chores. Here is JA's observation while watching the bull...

JA: Daddy, what is that down there? It looks like a big potato.
Cam: Silence. ( This is even funnier if you know Cam and his modesty!)

Last Night in the Bathtub

JA apparently was a little gassy after supper.

JA: Mom, I have fireworks coming out of my butt!
Brooke: Laughter.
Brooke: JA, do we say butt?
JA: No, bottom. I have fireworks coming out of my bottom. Ashley says butt.

Some say she acts like her aunt. If that is the case - she will have a fun-filled life with many friends. I remind her grandmother of that often ;)!

Dance! Dance!

This video is hilarious! I hope you enjoy it and remember to always dance...dance!!

The Chances We Take

I just found out that I have to take Molaria medication before, during and after my trip to Nicaragua. The major side effects of this medication that you may or may not experience are psychosis and depression.

If psychosis sets in, will I really notice a difference? Ahh, the chances we take.

( Your comments are not welcomed. )

You Just Never Know

Who you may meet in line in the grocery store, sitting next you on an airplane or, in my case, sitting next to on a lab bench at the University of Florida. I was working there today for the first time. The first time that I have to go to a site can be a bit stressful just because you don't know where you are going and you don't know who you will be working with. Sometimes the roadways throughout a town are complex, other times they are simple. Although my GPS always comes in handy, it does not take into account the medians or closed lanes due to construction. Not only do you have to navigate your way through unfamiliar territory, you also have to establish new working relationships with people who may or may not be happy to see you coming....it's just the nature of what I do. In any case, when you travel on a regular and you strike up the rare, encouraging, just what you need kind of conversation with a random stranger - you get this overwhelming sense that this stranger is no coincidence whatsoever.

This happened to me today. I was working and minding my own business when the other monitor walked into the lab. I did not think much of her at first. We casually started talking about how we had gotten to where we are in our careers, so on and so forth. The entire time that we were talking I could tell that there was something different about her. There was just a genuine concern to really get to know me and the same was true for me. I really wanted to hear about her life. I will spare you all of the pointless details but my point here is this - she was just who I needed to run into today. We had so much in common. She is a little bit older than me but shares the same values, beliefs, jobs and single life. I needed to meet her. I needed to know that other single, professional women exist and feel the same way that I do sometimes. I needed to know that what I occasionally feel is normal and that I am not alone in all of it. I just needed to meet someone who has walked a mile in my shoes.

As I think about this no so "chance" encounter, I began to ask myself - what kind of vibe to I give off? Am I open to truly hearing other people? Am I approachable? Do people know that there is something different in my life? I hope so. I hope to share with others just a little part of me so that they, too, may be encouraged to know that there just so happens to be someone out there that understands.

Protected

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him."
Psalm 91:1 -2

Last week was a week full of surprises - and none of them pleasant. Information that I have received or realizations that I have been forced to come to terms with have been hard to swallow in the past 4 days. However, in the midst of everything, I have so strongly sensed God's protection.

The truth is not always a pretty little gift tied together with a pretty little bow. No matter how ugly the truth may be, though, there is protection and freedom in it. I have found myself asking why so many relate to God as the light of the world when I seem to be making so many decisions to trust Him in blind faith. Some of these decisons were made years ago and some just days ago. No matter how much time has lapsed between now and then, I now understand why God is the true light of the world. God is absolute truth. In time the truth is revealed and all things are made visible. Not only is God the light that we all yearn for and should follow, He is also the light of truth that frees us from our doubts...the what ifs...the quest for a reason. In His time, His light is revealed and the truth of things are made known while resting in the protection of His shadow. He goes before us, loving us and shielding us until we are ready for what He has to reveal.