Monday, July 7, 2008

I Just Don't Get It...

Phil. 4:7 has been permeating my heart over the past week. This verse is part of one of my most favorite passages in the Bible. Phil 4:7 tells us that the peace of God, WHICH SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING, will guard our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Not until recently have I experienced such peace in my heart. Not until recently have I been forced to trust God enough to allow myself to move past my understanding into His safe abiding.

I am such a WHY person. In nursing school I always wanted to know why I was doing what I was doing. I was not satisfied with the "this is just how we do it" mentality. I always needed a reason behind everything that I did. The same is true in my personal life. I always want to know why things have to be the way that they are. I always want to know what is next and how the present is preparing me for the future. I am not comfortable with resting in the fact that sometimes I may not need to understand....I only need to operate on faith.

God is really working in my heart. He is calling me to trust Him beyond my understanding and believe that He is working it all out. I am so amazed at how God can so easily transcend my understanding and make me ok with it. I have never encountered such a time as when I have been so sure of what God is doing in my heart and I have absolutely no idea why. Everything that He is doing in my heart and spirit makes no sense to me. All of the questions and the need to know why is put to rest by the peace that engulfs me. I have become so ok with not understanding that I am not sure that I ever want to know why again! The peace that comes with the lack of understanding is safe....and I just want to stay here a while.

I am still learning what it really means to trust God with everything that I have. I am learning that He equips us with all that we need to trust Him and in the meantime His peace is what sustains us. I am starting to think that this journey toward trust is all about the meantime.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I love that verse! It is worth memorizing. I have never been big on having to memorize verses because I am not good at it. But since starting Calm My Anxious Heart, we are required to memorize one per week and that one in Philippians is one of them. Our feeling of needing to know why is such a control issue that I have too, but we have to lay it down. And none better to make us do that than God!