Well, it is good to be back. I was down with the flu for a week. Apparently I infected my computer because it crashed on me and we were seperated for a week. I was lost, but it was nice. I took a real break from the computer and surprisingly did not miss it all that much. It is good to be back in the land of technology, though : ).
Every day I receive a Bible verse via email. Today's verse was so simple, yet so powerful....
"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."Exodus 14:14
I always, always equate being still with being numb. I often wonder if stillness and numbness can co-exist or does one perpetuate the other? As I have thought about this - A LOT - I have come to realize that, for me, they can't co-exist and one definitely does not perpetuate the other. In fact, numbness hinders stillness. Let me explain...
When I think of being "still" before God, I think of peace. The peace that comes from trusting Him. The peace that comes from believing, really, truly believing that He will accomplish in you all the things for which you were created. Being "still" before God is when faith and hope collide and you are at peace with waiting on God. Let me mention that I am not there yet, which brings me to my next thought....
When I am numb, ( as I am now and far too often), I CHOOSE to allow my emotions to dominate my faith. When I live in the faith, when I choose to believe, I am at peace. My soul is still. Sometimes it is easier to digress back to what you are most familiar with. For me, that is numbness. It has been a trend in my life that when I truly invest emotions or hope in a situation that I end up hurt and devastated. I have developed the coping mechanism of pushing all emotions out and believing that not feeling anything will protect me from everything. Oh, how I rob myself of the life that God intends for me to live...of the hope that only He can offer. How sinful can I be?
I am brought to tears as I ponder the numb existence to which I have become so accustomed. Even though I am at a point in life where I don't want to be, nor do I understand what God is doing, I will choose to trust that God's plan is perfect. In Him I am free to hope. Free to dream. Free to feel.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Just Look At Me
Let me start by saying that I cannot take credit for the title of my blog today. The title is inspired from the message that I heard at church earlier today.
So much of this life is not understood. Philosophers and great thinkers alike have tried to put meaning behind what we are here for and why everything works the way that it does. The truth of the matter, for me at least, is that we are all clueless. None of us have anything figured out. How much freedom we would find if we would toss the insecurity of our image to the side and live focused on God-the only person who does know what is going on.
"Just look at me" really made an impression in my heart today. You see, in about 21/2 months I will be returning to South Carolina. This decision has been made for quite some time. I am still in Wilmington because I am fulfilling the commitment that I made to my roommate when we moved in. I am excited about being back home, but I am dreading leaving Wilmington. I have made fascinating friends here. The friends that I have made will be life-long. I have grown so much as a person here. The two years that I have spent here will forever serve as a major transformation for me that was much needed when I arrived in Wilmington. The environment is beautiful here. I am a beach lover and Wilmington fulfills that part of me. There is so much about Wilmington that I am going to miss.
As Mike, our pastor said today, all you can do is stay focused on God and who he is. He doesn't want us to have everything figured out. He wants us to trust him and have faith in what he is doing in our lives because, like every life experience, the purpose is to teach us something. Perhaps he needs to show us just how strong we are when we are fully dependent on him. Maybe he needs to show me that even though I don't want to do something, when he asks and I obey, there is so much more peace of mind. The decision to leave Wilmington was hard. I fought with God for months or maybe I just ignored him, but because of his faithfulness, I know that I am moving home at the perfect time. As Mike taught today, I have to just look at him. Even though I do not understand what he is doing, I must look at him. He knows what joys or what hurts lie ahead. But, as I look only to him, in obedience, he will take care of the rest. What assurance we have as we place our trust in him.
So much of this life is not understood. Philosophers and great thinkers alike have tried to put meaning behind what we are here for and why everything works the way that it does. The truth of the matter, for me at least, is that we are all clueless. None of us have anything figured out. How much freedom we would find if we would toss the insecurity of our image to the side and live focused on God-the only person who does know what is going on.
"Just look at me" really made an impression in my heart today. You see, in about 21/2 months I will be returning to South Carolina. This decision has been made for quite some time. I am still in Wilmington because I am fulfilling the commitment that I made to my roommate when we moved in. I am excited about being back home, but I am dreading leaving Wilmington. I have made fascinating friends here. The friends that I have made will be life-long. I have grown so much as a person here. The two years that I have spent here will forever serve as a major transformation for me that was much needed when I arrived in Wilmington. The environment is beautiful here. I am a beach lover and Wilmington fulfills that part of me. There is so much about Wilmington that I am going to miss.
As Mike, our pastor said today, all you can do is stay focused on God and who he is. He doesn't want us to have everything figured out. He wants us to trust him and have faith in what he is doing in our lives because, like every life experience, the purpose is to teach us something. Perhaps he needs to show us just how strong we are when we are fully dependent on him. Maybe he needs to show me that even though I don't want to do something, when he asks and I obey, there is so much more peace of mind. The decision to leave Wilmington was hard. I fought with God for months or maybe I just ignored him, but because of his faithfulness, I know that I am moving home at the perfect time. As Mike taught today, I have to just look at him. Even though I do not understand what he is doing, I must look at him. He knows what joys or what hurts lie ahead. But, as I look only to him, in obedience, he will take care of the rest. What assurance we have as we place our trust in him.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Twirty
My friend Mandi turned 30 today. She is one amazing woman and has become a good friend of mine here in Wilmington. She is one of the most laid-back people that I know. Nothing really gets to her. Turning 30 did not really bother her too much. She said that the only thing that really hit home was that she could no longer say that she was twenty-something. So, being the good friend that I am, I suggested that, when asked for her age, she repsond with "twirty". It will throw everyone for a loop and she really does not have to explain that she is thirty because everyone will still be looking at her as though she has a speech impediment.
There is something so "official" about 30. What does 30 look like for you? I know that for me it has always looked like a husband, maybe a child, a good job and a wonderful home. The closer that I get to 30 the more I realize that my life may not include some or any of those things that I mentioned. I am three years away from the big 3-0 and I often ask myself, will I be ok if I am not married-I know that I will be ok without children? Will I be ok if I don't have the 5,000 square foot home? Will I be ok-period? How foolish I can be. Don't I know that life takes care of itself and, more importantly, isn't there a plan for my life?
All of these questions bring to surface a much deeper issue-peace with where I am NOW. Does it really matter where I will be in 3 years. How about where I am now? Am I making the most of my life as it is? I thought about these things a lot over the course of today and realized, for the first time in a long time, that I am happy-yes happy-with my life. Honestly, there is no other place in life that I rather be than right where I am. You see, I couldn't imagine being married right now because God has not revealed to me the man with whom I will spend my life. I am happy to not have a child right now because I know that I am just not ready. I am not willing to make room for that in my life right now. Furthermore, I would be a single mother and parenting is just something that I really prefer to do with a partner. I am happy that I don't have my huge house-I am not broke. I can buy the clothes that I want and visit the places that I wish. Being one of the only single girls left out of all of my friends and, now, one of the only ones to not have children, I have learned that what I want is not necessarily what I need. And, when I submit my desires to God, He changes them. Unfulfilled desires can produce so much more joy than those desires that I so selfishly pursue. There is the power of NOW. I have become a believer.
Please don't get me wrong. I look toward the future with hope and anticipation of what God is going to do. I just must have the understanding that it may look nothing like what I have ever pictured. So, as for now, I will not think about "twirty". I will enjoy my 20's-what is left of them- and, when asked my age, relish in the fact that I can still say "twenty-________". I am going to experience the joy and the power of NOW!
There is something so "official" about 30. What does 30 look like for you? I know that for me it has always looked like a husband, maybe a child, a good job and a wonderful home. The closer that I get to 30 the more I realize that my life may not include some or any of those things that I mentioned. I am three years away from the big 3-0 and I often ask myself, will I be ok if I am not married-I know that I will be ok without children? Will I be ok if I don't have the 5,000 square foot home? Will I be ok-period? How foolish I can be. Don't I know that life takes care of itself and, more importantly, isn't there a plan for my life?
All of these questions bring to surface a much deeper issue-peace with where I am NOW. Does it really matter where I will be in 3 years. How about where I am now? Am I making the most of my life as it is? I thought about these things a lot over the course of today and realized, for the first time in a long time, that I am happy-yes happy-with my life. Honestly, there is no other place in life that I rather be than right where I am. You see, I couldn't imagine being married right now because God has not revealed to me the man with whom I will spend my life. I am happy to not have a child right now because I know that I am just not ready. I am not willing to make room for that in my life right now. Furthermore, I would be a single mother and parenting is just something that I really prefer to do with a partner. I am happy that I don't have my huge house-I am not broke. I can buy the clothes that I want and visit the places that I wish. Being one of the only single girls left out of all of my friends and, now, one of the only ones to not have children, I have learned that what I want is not necessarily what I need. And, when I submit my desires to God, He changes them. Unfulfilled desires can produce so much more joy than those desires that I so selfishly pursue. There is the power of NOW. I have become a believer.
Please don't get me wrong. I look toward the future with hope and anticipation of what God is going to do. I just must have the understanding that it may look nothing like what I have ever pictured. So, as for now, I will not think about "twirty". I will enjoy my 20's-what is left of them- and, when asked my age, relish in the fact that I can still say "twenty-________". I am going to experience the joy and the power of NOW!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
What I Am About
So, this will be my first lengthy blog entry - all about who I am and what I am about. I often think about posting this kind of information on my Facebook, but I am hesitant because I am afraid that I won't be as candid and real about who I am. Facebook tends to be a fascade of who I wish I could be....shhh....that is a BIG secret of mine....not really. Anyway, I decided to create a blogspot so that I could freely be me. I also figure that whoever reads this probably already knows me and knows how "karis" I can be. So, here goes.....
Where do I start? I have this problem with telling you a little bit more about myself than you would ever want to know. For example, while running my nipples become erect. Not because I am excited or cold, but because running is sometimes excrutiating for me and even my nipples are pleading for me to stop. See, you didn't expect that did you? But, you are laughing!! Hey, it's part of nature...nipples get hard!
Seriously, there are so many layers to my personality that it is quite difficult to wrap words around who I am. I am a middle child. I am a woman. I am a professional. I am independent. I am compassionate. I am true to my word. I am naive, at times, by choice. I am loyal. I am passionate. I am wild. I am crazy. I love to laugh. I love to make others laugh. I love to do things for others. I love to cook, bake and eat. I love Clemson. I love Clemson football. I love my family. I love to exercise. I hope. I dream. I am, I love, I do....you fill in the blank, but, does that really depict who I am? Probably not.
I suppose that the best place to start is to define what I believe. Actually, what I believe should define me a lot more than I sometimes allow it to. I believe that everyone has to believe in something. Everyone wishes to express faith in something. We are made this way. To think that you don't believe in anything or have faith is, in my mind, foolish. It took me a long time to grasp what it is to truly believe and why I believe what I do. What I believe does not come from what my parents think I should be or the latest trend that society advertises. What I believe comes from a transformation of my mind and heart that can only be accomplished through Jesus Christ.
I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe that Jesus died for the sins of every man and woman so that we may know God, the Father. Being so bold in this declaration is very hard for me. Once you believe in something you are to exhibit certain traits and qualities and behaviors. This is the point that I probably owe many of you reading this an apology because, if you never knew this about me, you are missing out on the most important part of who I am. I am not perfect. I struggle-everyday. Some days are worse than others. I make poor decisions. I have regrets. I have hurts. I have desires. I have dreams. I am just like anyone else, only I have a relationship with Christ who loves me beyond all of the hurts, dreams, regrets and desires that I will ever have. I have never experienced such love as this and I would be remiss not to tell you about it. Please find Christ. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. He will never leave you or forsake you. If you don't believe me-take a chance and believe in Him and find out for yourself.
Now that you know the MOST important thing about me-here is a little bit more of a glimpse of what I feel makes me who I am...
My family is wonderful and loving. My family is also wonderfully frustrating at times. But, they are so much a part of me that I truly don't know who I would be without them. My parents are wonderful. Their love for me is astonishing-I can be quite a hand-full! My parents are unwaivering and consisitent. I have truly had some of the best role models in my parents. I am the middle of three. I love that I am a middle child. I tell everyone that I am the most well-adjusted of all of the Sharpe children. Brooke and Tanner may disagree, but it would not be the first time. Brooke is my older sister. She is, to me, perfect in every way. She would not think so highly of herself. I admire Brooke because she ALWAYS does what is right-always. I am not like that, so much. The right way just eventually has to catch up with me before I get myself into too much trouble. And then, there is Tanner. Tanner is, in a lot of ways, my confidante. I can tell Tanner anything and he just understands. I love that about him. I miss my family. For the past 2 years I have not lived near them. Soon, I will be back in South Carolina and closer to them and I am looking forward to it.
My friends are very important to me. I have always been someone who takes it VERY personal if someone does not like me. I try to treat others the way that I would want to be treated. This trait has served me well because I have the best friends in the world. They bring me laughter, challenge me, support me and love me. What more could you ask for? I love my friends-plain and simple.
Ok, I have rambled E-NUFF. I hope that by now you can somewhat grasp what I am truly about and what is important to me. Stay tuned....I will keep you updated on this crazy life of mine in hopes of bringing you much laughter and limited insight!!!
Where do I start? I have this problem with telling you a little bit more about myself than you would ever want to know. For example, while running my nipples become erect. Not because I am excited or cold, but because running is sometimes excrutiating for me and even my nipples are pleading for me to stop. See, you didn't expect that did you? But, you are laughing!! Hey, it's part of nature...nipples get hard!
Seriously, there are so many layers to my personality that it is quite difficult to wrap words around who I am. I am a middle child. I am a woman. I am a professional. I am independent. I am compassionate. I am true to my word. I am naive, at times, by choice. I am loyal. I am passionate. I am wild. I am crazy. I love to laugh. I love to make others laugh. I love to do things for others. I love to cook, bake and eat. I love Clemson. I love Clemson football. I love my family. I love to exercise. I hope. I dream. I am, I love, I do....you fill in the blank, but, does that really depict who I am? Probably not.
I suppose that the best place to start is to define what I believe. Actually, what I believe should define me a lot more than I sometimes allow it to. I believe that everyone has to believe in something. Everyone wishes to express faith in something. We are made this way. To think that you don't believe in anything or have faith is, in my mind, foolish. It took me a long time to grasp what it is to truly believe and why I believe what I do. What I believe does not come from what my parents think I should be or the latest trend that society advertises. What I believe comes from a transformation of my mind and heart that can only be accomplished through Jesus Christ.
I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe that Jesus died for the sins of every man and woman so that we may know God, the Father. Being so bold in this declaration is very hard for me. Once you believe in something you are to exhibit certain traits and qualities and behaviors. This is the point that I probably owe many of you reading this an apology because, if you never knew this about me, you are missing out on the most important part of who I am. I am not perfect. I struggle-everyday. Some days are worse than others. I make poor decisions. I have regrets. I have hurts. I have desires. I have dreams. I am just like anyone else, only I have a relationship with Christ who loves me beyond all of the hurts, dreams, regrets and desires that I will ever have. I have never experienced such love as this and I would be remiss not to tell you about it. Please find Christ. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. He will never leave you or forsake you. If you don't believe me-take a chance and believe in Him and find out for yourself.
Now that you know the MOST important thing about me-here is a little bit more of a glimpse of what I feel makes me who I am...
My family is wonderful and loving. My family is also wonderfully frustrating at times. But, they are so much a part of me that I truly don't know who I would be without them. My parents are wonderful. Their love for me is astonishing-I can be quite a hand-full! My parents are unwaivering and consisitent. I have truly had some of the best role models in my parents. I am the middle of three. I love that I am a middle child. I tell everyone that I am the most well-adjusted of all of the Sharpe children. Brooke and Tanner may disagree, but it would not be the first time. Brooke is my older sister. She is, to me, perfect in every way. She would not think so highly of herself. I admire Brooke because she ALWAYS does what is right-always. I am not like that, so much. The right way just eventually has to catch up with me before I get myself into too much trouble. And then, there is Tanner. Tanner is, in a lot of ways, my confidante. I can tell Tanner anything and he just understands. I love that about him. I miss my family. For the past 2 years I have not lived near them. Soon, I will be back in South Carolina and closer to them and I am looking forward to it.
My friends are very important to me. I have always been someone who takes it VERY personal if someone does not like me. I try to treat others the way that I would want to be treated. This trait has served me well because I have the best friends in the world. They bring me laughter, challenge me, support me and love me. What more could you ask for? I love my friends-plain and simple.
Ok, I have rambled E-NUFF. I hope that by now you can somewhat grasp what I am truly about and what is important to me. Stay tuned....I will keep you updated on this crazy life of mine in hopes of bringing you much laughter and limited insight!!!
Just Getting Started
I am just starting to figure all of this out. That is all that I have to say at this time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)