Reality Check

I leave Saturday for Nicaragua and it really bothers me to know that my last post would've been about my lack of faith. Hence today's post...

I have had several reality checks since my last blog. I just thought that I would share some of my heart with you.
Here are things that I have learned in the past week and a half:

1. When you think that God is not providing - think again. I had a little temper tantrum with God last week when I was traveling with work. The truth of the matter is, I was just angry with God for not providing the entire amount for my trip. I was in the middle of my tyraid when He very strongly reminded me of three things: A) I have a job, a very good job that exceeds my needs and provides me financial opportunities to do things like go on a mission trip with little to no financial burden. I should receive this job with humility because it is from Him and other people would give anything to even have a job right now. WOW - that one hit me HARD! B) God did provide for me in the way that I originally asked Him to when I said yes to this trip. I have said, from the beginning, that if I raise half of the money for the trip I will be ok if I have to pay the other half. God provided five dollars more than half of my trip. Again, I was very humbled by this realization. I also realized that I put God in a box in the very beginning. I told Him how much to provide for me and then when I thought that it wasn't enough I started to complain and became angry at how unfaithful God seemed. My attitude was wrong and I wasn't ready to budge. Finally, C) When sin is present and you stubbornly settle into it you lose all of the security of who God is and what He is really doing in your life. I refused to believe that my feelings toward God were wrong. My attitude and actions portrayed this and I allowed the distance between God and me to become more and more. Guess what, Satan was accomplishing the very thing that he had set out to do 2 weeks prior to me leaving on a mission trip. I was more determined not to let Satan win than to stay mad at God and bask in my rotten attitude.

2. As much as I thought that I was prepared for Satan's attacks, I wasn't. I fell right into his schemes just as he wanted. I wasn't in the Word and definitely wasn't on my knees like I needed to be. I felt like I could handle it if I knew that it was coming. But Satan is much more shrewd than I am. He has managed to attack every insecurity that I have and then some. Satan definitely had the upper hand until one day I stopped and asked God for wisdom and freedom from the mind games. It is funny how a prayer so simple can bring such freedom and clarity.

I am excited to be leaving for Nicaragua in less than 48 hours. I am believing God that this trip will bring true life change and a much needed shift in perspective. Please be in prayer for our team as we will be gone starting July 25 and returning August 2. I anticipate great things and am looking forward to seeing how God is working in different parts of our world.