Numbness....is it really necessary?

Well, it is good to be back. I was down with the flu for a week. Apparently I infected my computer because it crashed on me and we were seperated for a week. I was lost, but it was nice. I took a real break from the computer and surprisingly did not miss it all that much. It is good to be back in the land of technology, though : ).


Every day I receive a Bible verse via email. Today's verse was so simple, yet so powerful....


"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."Exodus 14:14

I always, always equate being still with being numb. I often wonder if stillness and numbness can co-exist or does one perpetuate the other? As I have thought about this - A LOT - I have come to realize that, for me, they can't co-exist and one definitely does not perpetuate the other. In fact, numbness hinders stillness. Let me explain...

When I think of being "still" before God, I think of peace. The peace that comes from trusting Him. The peace that comes from believing, really, truly believing that He will accomplish in you all the things for which you were created. Being "still" before God is when faith and hope collide and you are at peace with waiting on God. Let me mention that I am not there yet, which brings me to my next thought....

When I am numb, ( as I am now and far too often), I CHOOSE to allow my emotions to dominate my faith. When I live in the faith, when I choose to believe, I am at peace. My soul is still. Sometimes it is easier to digress back to what you are most familiar with. For me, that is numbness. It has been a trend in my life that when I truly invest emotions or hope in a situation that I end up hurt and devastated. I have developed the coping mechanism of pushing all emotions out and believing that not feeling anything will protect me from everything. Oh, how I rob myself of the life that God intends for me to live...of the hope that only He can offer. How sinful can I be?

I am brought to tears as I ponder the numb existence to which I have become so accustomed. Even though I am at a point in life where I don't want to be, nor do I understand what God is doing, I will choose to trust that God's plan is perfect. In Him I am free to hope. Free to dream. Free to feel.