Who you may meet in line in the grocery store, sitting next you on an airplane or, in my case, sitting next to on a lab bench at the University of Florida. I was working there today for the first time. The first time that I have to go to a site can be a bit stressful just because you don't know where you are going and you don't know who you will be working with. Sometimes the roadways throughout a town are complex, other times they are simple. Although my GPS always comes in handy, it does not take into account the medians or closed lanes due to construction. Not only do you have to navigate your way through unfamiliar territory, you also have to establish new working relationships with people who may or may not be happy to see you coming....it's just the nature of what I do. In any case, when you travel on a regular and you strike up the rare, encouraging, just what you need kind of conversation with a random stranger - you get this overwhelming sense that this stranger is no coincidence whatsoever.
This happened to me today. I was working and minding my own business when the other monitor walked into the lab. I did not think much of her at first. We casually started talking about how we had gotten to where we are in our careers, so on and so forth. The entire time that we were talking I could tell that there was something different about her. There was just a genuine concern to really get to know me and the same was true for me. I really wanted to hear about her life. I will spare you all of the pointless details but my point here is this - she was just who I needed to run into today. We had so much in common. She is a little bit older than me but shares the same values, beliefs, jobs and single life. I needed to meet her. I needed to know that other single, professional women exist and feel the same way that I do sometimes. I needed to know that what I occasionally feel is normal and that I am not alone in all of it. I just needed to meet someone who has walked a mile in my shoes.
As I think about this no so "chance" encounter, I began to ask myself - what kind of vibe to I give off? Am I open to truly hearing other people? Am I approachable? Do people know that there is something different in my life? I hope so. I hope to share with others just a little part of me so that they, too, may be encouraged to know that there just so happens to be someone out there that understands.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Protected
"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him."
Psalm 91:1 -2
Last week was a week full of surprises - and none of them pleasant. Information that I have received or realizations that I have been forced to come to terms with have been hard to swallow in the past 4 days. However, in the midst of everything, I have so strongly sensed God's protection.
The truth is not always a pretty little gift tied together with a pretty little bow. No matter how ugly the truth may be, though, there is protection and freedom in it. I have found myself asking why so many relate to God as the light of the world when I seem to be making so many decisions to trust Him in blind faith. Some of these decisons were made years ago and some just days ago. No matter how much time has lapsed between now and then, I now understand why God is the true light of the world. God is absolute truth. In time the truth is revealed and all things are made visible. Not only is God the light that we all yearn for and should follow, He is also the light of truth that frees us from our doubts...the what ifs...the quest for a reason. In His time, His light is revealed and the truth of things are made known while resting in the protection of His shadow. He goes before us, loving us and shielding us until we are ready for what He has to reveal.
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him."
Psalm 91:1 -2
Last week was a week full of surprises - and none of them pleasant. Information that I have received or realizations that I have been forced to come to terms with have been hard to swallow in the past 4 days. However, in the midst of everything, I have so strongly sensed God's protection.
The truth is not always a pretty little gift tied together with a pretty little bow. No matter how ugly the truth may be, though, there is protection and freedom in it. I have found myself asking why so many relate to God as the light of the world when I seem to be making so many decisions to trust Him in blind faith. Some of these decisons were made years ago and some just days ago. No matter how much time has lapsed between now and then, I now understand why God is the true light of the world. God is absolute truth. In time the truth is revealed and all things are made visible. Not only is God the light that we all yearn for and should follow, He is also the light of truth that frees us from our doubts...the what ifs...the quest for a reason. In His time, His light is revealed and the truth of things are made known while resting in the protection of His shadow. He goes before us, loving us and shielding us until we are ready for what He has to reveal.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Part of the Circle
I am seeing now, more than ever, that God brings things full circle. Not just in my life but for everyone who trusts Him.
It occurred to me this morning how just several days ago I was pouring my heart out over being single. How badly I wanted to be ok with where I am and watch God bring about the desires of my heart when He so sees fit. Just several days ago I never thought that God could so quickly bring me to a place of being happy right where I am, but He has!
I realized that when I said yes to going to Nicaragua I did not have to ask a husband if he was ok with it. I did not have to think about a boyfriend that I would have to miss while I was gone. I could make the decision based on what I know is right for me and what God has for me. Ahh, the freedom I awakened to this morning!
As God works in me through each trial He is kind to show me how He brings life's struggles full circle. God is generous to give us just enough of the the big picture to press on and know, with certainty, that His plan will be accomplished. Needless to say, I am overwhelmed in this moment of how FAITHFUL God is and how much I need His love in my life.
It occurred to me this morning how just several days ago I was pouring my heart out over being single. How badly I wanted to be ok with where I am and watch God bring about the desires of my heart when He so sees fit. Just several days ago I never thought that God could so quickly bring me to a place of being happy right where I am, but He has!
I realized that when I said yes to going to Nicaragua I did not have to ask a husband if he was ok with it. I did not have to think about a boyfriend that I would have to miss while I was gone. I could make the decision based on what I know is right for me and what God has for me. Ahh, the freedom I awakened to this morning!
As God works in me through each trial He is kind to show me how He brings life's struggles full circle. God is generous to give us just enough of the the big picture to press on and know, with certainty, that His plan will be accomplished. Needless to say, I am overwhelmed in this moment of how FAITHFUL God is and how much I need His love in my life.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
It's Been Seven Years Since.....
I last went on a mission trip. My last mission trip was to Asia. I went with a group from the church where I grew up. It was one of the most fun and amazing trips that I have been on. Just take a stroll down memory lane with me for a minute....
Picture it ( just like Sophia on Golden Girls ).... 4 American girls were invited on a boat ride along the Yellow River by our new found Chinese friends. The Yellow River is so nasty that the slightest encounter would corrode an American body in no time flat. Without thinking much about it, we accepted the invitation. I don't know about the other three girls, but I was imagining a large boat with railings and bench seating and a captain to tell you about all of the sites you are beholding as you cruise up the Yellow River. You know - something that they would do in the States.
Moving on....we got directions from our friends and met them at the docks later that evening. I will never forget the looks on the faces of my American friends as we approached "the docks". They were docks alright - consisting of about 10 boards of lumber and something underneath to float them. We started looking around for the big boat with the nice railing and flashing lights. That boat was no where to be found. Instead, there were small white boats that were equivalent to a john boat steered by the motor in the back. We all looked at each other and said, "we have to do this, we cannot offend them and act like we are too good or scared". So, all six of us ( 4 Americans and 2 Chinese) load into one boat. The drivers of the boat were very quick to tell us that we must take 2 boats because "Americans too fat"!
So, my friend and I got out and moved to another boat along with one of the Chinese girls. I believe that our driver sensed my love of speed and adventure and my friend's terror of it. He definitely opted for the adventure. We were speeding up the Yellow River, the water not 3 feet from us. He was whipping us around, creating waves and crashing over them. I would dare say that we were airborne at one point. I don't know what I found more entertaining, the boat ride or my friend's words as she cried out to Jesus to save us! It was a memory that I will treasure forever and know that God does have a plan for the six girls who took a boatride that night because we all survived. The next day we heard on the news that people had died from a boat ride on the Yellow River. Again, I am certain that providence was working in our favor that night!
I hope that you enjoyed that story....now, on to why I am really blogging. I have decided to go to Nicaragua with Grace Church this July to participate in a medical mission trip. I cannot believe that it has taken me so long to get back on the short-term mission field. One might think that God had to really deal with me on this - but the truth of the matter is - He didn't. I have been contemplating whether or not I should participate. I didn't sense a resounding yes or no - I just knew that I would have to sacrifice some family vacation time to fit in the trip with the amount of hours I have accrued at work. And, to be honest, I was just going to let this trip pass me by and I would catch the next one. Grace does several of these trips a year and my thought was - well, once I have accrued more time off next year I will go. God had different plans.
One day last week I received an unexpected email from one of our pastors on staff at the church. I thought to myself, how does he know that I exist and how did he get in contact with me? Looking back on it, I had gone to lunch on Sunday and met someone who had just returned from the April trip. He found out that I was a nurse and only said, "you should consider going sometime". I did not think much about it and went about my week until I received the email stating that the team is in need of at least one more medical professional. When I look back and put the pieces together, I can't say no to what God has clearly already set into motion. Afterall, He has been grooming me for this for quite some time - saying yes when He first proposes the question.
Picture it ( just like Sophia on Golden Girls ).... 4 American girls were invited on a boat ride along the Yellow River by our new found Chinese friends. The Yellow River is so nasty that the slightest encounter would corrode an American body in no time flat. Without thinking much about it, we accepted the invitation. I don't know about the other three girls, but I was imagining a large boat with railings and bench seating and a captain to tell you about all of the sites you are beholding as you cruise up the Yellow River. You know - something that they would do in the States.
Moving on....we got directions from our friends and met them at the docks later that evening. I will never forget the looks on the faces of my American friends as we approached "the docks". They were docks alright - consisting of about 10 boards of lumber and something underneath to float them. We started looking around for the big boat with the nice railing and flashing lights. That boat was no where to be found. Instead, there were small white boats that were equivalent to a john boat steered by the motor in the back. We all looked at each other and said, "we have to do this, we cannot offend them and act like we are too good or scared". So, all six of us ( 4 Americans and 2 Chinese) load into one boat. The drivers of the boat were very quick to tell us that we must take 2 boats because "Americans too fat"!
So, my friend and I got out and moved to another boat along with one of the Chinese girls. I believe that our driver sensed my love of speed and adventure and my friend's terror of it. He definitely opted for the adventure. We were speeding up the Yellow River, the water not 3 feet from us. He was whipping us around, creating waves and crashing over them. I would dare say that we were airborne at one point. I don't know what I found more entertaining, the boat ride or my friend's words as she cried out to Jesus to save us! It was a memory that I will treasure forever and know that God does have a plan for the six girls who took a boatride that night because we all survived. The next day we heard on the news that people had died from a boat ride on the Yellow River. Again, I am certain that providence was working in our favor that night!
I hope that you enjoyed that story....now, on to why I am really blogging. I have decided to go to Nicaragua with Grace Church this July to participate in a medical mission trip. I cannot believe that it has taken me so long to get back on the short-term mission field. One might think that God had to really deal with me on this - but the truth of the matter is - He didn't. I have been contemplating whether or not I should participate. I didn't sense a resounding yes or no - I just knew that I would have to sacrifice some family vacation time to fit in the trip with the amount of hours I have accrued at work. And, to be honest, I was just going to let this trip pass me by and I would catch the next one. Grace does several of these trips a year and my thought was - well, once I have accrued more time off next year I will go. God had different plans.
One day last week I received an unexpected email from one of our pastors on staff at the church. I thought to myself, how does he know that I exist and how did he get in contact with me? Looking back on it, I had gone to lunch on Sunday and met someone who had just returned from the April trip. He found out that I was a nurse and only said, "you should consider going sometime". I did not think much about it and went about my week until I received the email stating that the team is in need of at least one more medical professional. When I look back and put the pieces together, I can't say no to what God has clearly already set into motion. Afterall, He has been grooming me for this for quite some time - saying yes when He first proposes the question.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Thought I Would Share
I receive a verse a day via email. This was my verse for today and I found it really encouraging:
I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.
Ephesians 1:18-19
I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.
Ephesians 1:18-19
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
In Pursuit of What?
It is so amazing to me how instantly things seem to change when God shows up. I am not talking about the circumstances that surround me or anything physically related to me. I am talking about my heart and mindset. I am completely in awe of the chains that are broken when God reveals Himself.
If you didn't already know - I struggle with the desire to get married. There is so much surrounding this desire that it would take 5 days to list every single detail of the struggle and why I think that God has placed this in my life. The bottom line is this - I struggle with an unfulfilled desire that God has yet to satisfy. I think that we all can find ourselves in that position at some point in life - no matter what that desire may be. For me, singleness/desire to marry has been a very sensitive matter. It has been a point of weakness. If I voice that I actually struggle with being single and the desire to be married - then surely I am weak and lacking something in my spiritual life.
I would not trade my single years for anything, really, I wouldn't. But, this is what I have come to terms with while being single - OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER DEALT WITH SINGLENESS DO NOT GET IT!!!! Although that does not sound very humble, I do say that with great humility and the realization that everyone struggles with something.
Moving on....I have dealt with the unhappiness, discontentment, longing, etc, etc that singleness brings for four years now. It has been four years since I have been in a relationship any longer than 4 months. I felt sure that I would be married by now when I painfully ended my last serious relationship. Guess what - I am not. The pursuit of marriage has come to haunt me. It has distracted me and robbed me of my joy for far too long and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
As I was doing my Bible study this morning, God convicted me. EVERYTHING that I have pursued for the past 4 years has been out of the desire to be married. If I move to Wilmington, my husband will show up. If I redefine myself and get involved with church in Wilmington, I will meet my husband. If I move home, I will find my soul mate. If I wrap myself up in the student ministry at Grace, I am bound to meet my husband. I never wanted to admit this, but the truth of the matter is - I have been playing this game with God - if I SERVE you, God, then you give me my husband. I have essentially told God that if I do "this" for you then you owe me a husband and a marriage that will last for all time and I can finally close this chapter in my fairytale kind of life.
Once I finally realized that I have been pursuing marriage harder than God, my heart sank and I approached God with my head sagging. I was disgusted to think that I had been trying to manipulate God all of this time. How much time have I wasted? What blessings have I missed out on? And then, in the silence of my despair, God whispers to me and says - now, you've got it! Let's move on to what else I have for you.
God has spent 4 years....4 YEARS getting me to this point. He has brought me through so many victories in the past 4 years. However, as I would look back I could only see defeat because of the one unfulfilled desire. I have now come to realize that the one unfulfilled desire in my life has completely defeated and disabled me from experiencing everything that God has for me. This does not mean that my desire to be married is any less strong or absent. The desire is still very much present. But, the pursuit, the chase, the need to seize the desire is gone.
What is it that you pursue? What drives you and motivates you to seek God? Is it His unconditional love or His power to provide what you decide will bless you? You see, I had to come to the realization that I wanted marriage more than God. Marriage had become my idol. I am pretty sure that there is a commandment in there that states: " There shall be no other gods before me". What is your idol? What are you chasing? And, most importantly, is it worth more than God?
If you didn't already know - I struggle with the desire to get married. There is so much surrounding this desire that it would take 5 days to list every single detail of the struggle and why I think that God has placed this in my life. The bottom line is this - I struggle with an unfulfilled desire that God has yet to satisfy. I think that we all can find ourselves in that position at some point in life - no matter what that desire may be. For me, singleness/desire to marry has been a very sensitive matter. It has been a point of weakness. If I voice that I actually struggle with being single and the desire to be married - then surely I am weak and lacking something in my spiritual life.
I would not trade my single years for anything, really, I wouldn't. But, this is what I have come to terms with while being single - OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER DEALT WITH SINGLENESS DO NOT GET IT!!!! Although that does not sound very humble, I do say that with great humility and the realization that everyone struggles with something.
Moving on....I have dealt with the unhappiness, discontentment, longing, etc, etc that singleness brings for four years now. It has been four years since I have been in a relationship any longer than 4 months. I felt sure that I would be married by now when I painfully ended my last serious relationship. Guess what - I am not. The pursuit of marriage has come to haunt me. It has distracted me and robbed me of my joy for far too long and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
As I was doing my Bible study this morning, God convicted me. EVERYTHING that I have pursued for the past 4 years has been out of the desire to be married. If I move to Wilmington, my husband will show up. If I redefine myself and get involved with church in Wilmington, I will meet my husband. If I move home, I will find my soul mate. If I wrap myself up in the student ministry at Grace, I am bound to meet my husband. I never wanted to admit this, but the truth of the matter is - I have been playing this game with God - if I SERVE you, God, then you give me my husband. I have essentially told God that if I do "this" for you then you owe me a husband and a marriage that will last for all time and I can finally close this chapter in my fairytale kind of life.
Once I finally realized that I have been pursuing marriage harder than God, my heart sank and I approached God with my head sagging. I was disgusted to think that I had been trying to manipulate God all of this time. How much time have I wasted? What blessings have I missed out on? And then, in the silence of my despair, God whispers to me and says - now, you've got it! Let's move on to what else I have for you.
God has spent 4 years....4 YEARS getting me to this point. He has brought me through so many victories in the past 4 years. However, as I would look back I could only see defeat because of the one unfulfilled desire. I have now come to realize that the one unfulfilled desire in my life has completely defeated and disabled me from experiencing everything that God has for me. This does not mean that my desire to be married is any less strong or absent. The desire is still very much present. But, the pursuit, the chase, the need to seize the desire is gone.
What is it that you pursue? What drives you and motivates you to seek God? Is it His unconditional love or His power to provide what you decide will bless you? You see, I had to come to the realization that I wanted marriage more than God. Marriage had become my idol. I am pretty sure that there is a commandment in there that states: " There shall be no other gods before me". What is your idol? What are you chasing? And, most importantly, is it worth more than God?
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