I Need Lifetime

I am about to disclose a very important detail about me that you may find shocking-I LOVE THE GOLDEN GIRLS! I watch the Golden Girls every morning from 9 to 10 and every afternoon from 4 to 5. Watching the Golden Girls is as much a part of my day as is breathing. I love that show! I am dying this week-the hotel DOES NOT have Lifetime and I am forced to watch Girlicous on the CW because the only other thing on is the Democratic National Convention. So, when you think that my traveling lifestyle is so glamorous, just know that I don't always get Golden Girls.

I am bored....

I would like to pose a question....

If a car is a buick, has a handicap tag and white heads hovering in the front, should the car be allowed on the road?

I vote no.

Test Results

Yesterday was the big day...the day of the stress test. And, as you would know, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my heart. It was actually pretty cool to look up on the screen and see such a healthy heart and to listen as it beat in perfect rhythm. Our bodies are truly amazing creations.

So if nothing is wrong with my heart, what is the problem you ask. And the answer is-MY HEAD! Now that I know, for certain, that nothing is wrong with my heart I can only attribute all of this heart fluttering to stress and the mind games I play with myself. I am so thankful that nothing is wrong, but how do I fix my head?

God had to shake me up a little and let my heart go a little crazy for me to realize that I worry WAY too much. I always tell others not to worry, that everything will be ok. While I believe such is true for others, I don't believe it for myself. I believe this may be a problem with a little thing called CONTROL! Friends tell me that I always seemed so composed and seem like I have my life together. I always laugh at this perception because inside I feel as though I am a complete wreck, never knowing which end is up. For a long time I have relished in the fact that I am a mess. If I am a mess, then poor choices and living life the way I want to is acceptable, right? It is only those folks who have never encountered diappointment, heartbreak or devastation that "really" have it all together and figured out. Bah-ha-ha! Does anyone really "have it together"?

I know that the questions that I have raised are completely rhetorical. Putting the answers into practice is what is I find difficult. How do I relinquish control of my thoughts? How do I choose not to believe something? Sometimes, how do I know the difference between what is true and what is not? The only solution that answers all of these questions is trusting in the One who NEVER changes...who never exists on a whim.....the One who is TRUTH and the One who has gone BEFORE me.

So, here's to a new, chilled-out, hippie kinda Karis. That's right folks, I am heading in the direction of a worry-free life. I am learning to rest in the Truth.

Airport Observations

As I sit in the airport for 3 hours, I have time to do a lot of pointless things-such as blog about what I typically observe in an airport.

1. Men, especially middle to old age, pick their nose as though it is an Olympic sport.
2. Children are not disciplined as I see fit.
3. Most non-Americans are rather fragrant.
4. There is a significant difference between the walking speed of vacationers and business travelers.
5. Business travelers are easily frustrated by the vacationers for 2 reasons: 1) They walk too slow and 2) They are actually traveling for fun.
6. Men are men, no matter what age...they will look at boobs and butts of the opposite sex without any shame.
7. Flight agents are not bad people.
8. Some people just don't know how to dress and don't care. Wish I could experience that freedom.

I am sure that I could list more, but I really need to write a report. Ta-ta for now!

Please Tell Me What This Means...

I had this dream last week. It was quite bizarre and I don't even know how to interpret the meaning of it. It was quite entertaining, so I will share it with all of my fellow bloggers....

Here is a little background information....
I work in clinical reasearch. Although I do not actively recruit patients to participate, I am involved with all of my sites to help them develop strategies for recruitment. The studies that I work on do not offer monitary rewards for participating, but some studies do. I am in the middle of a job change and have had work on my mind a lot. I also had 2 doctors' appointments last week. I always dread going to the doctor in fear of what I may find out. So, moving on to my dream.

I walk into the cardiologist's office. They have a game board the size of a conference table set up. At the very end of the very colorful game board is CANCUN in bright letters. I am curiously checking everything out when the nurse asks me, "Would you like to play?". I am not a big gamer in reality, but in my dream I said, "Sure, what are the rules?". The nurse proceeds to hand me a handful of dice. Each one had a point on them. She told me that I had to at least roll a 12 in order to go to Cancun. Well, in my dream she handed me like 24 dice, so I was thinking, shoot I have this one in the bag. So, as I walked to the table, the nurse placed a bright green lamp shade on my head with oranges all over it. She said, "you have to wear this when rolling the dice!". So, I conceded and dumped all of the dice on the table and, of course, I rolled greater than 12. Just as I was ready to claim my Cancun vacation she told me that I had to give a vial of blood for a research trial that was taking place at the office. I agreed as if there was absolutely nothing wrong with the coercive manner which she used to get my compliance. Then, I woke up.

I know, this is a really random post telling the story of a really random dream. I have thought about this dream and laughed, so I hope that you will find it humorous, too. If you have any insight into my psyche, please, feel free to share :).

Just Call Me Phoebe

You know when you have a group of really good girlfriends and you have all been friends for a really long time, sooner or later you start to identify with characters on televsion? Some of the characters are from shows such as The Golden Girls, Friends, Sex and the City.... so on and so on. Well, my friends from college always referred to me as Phoebe from Friends. I don't know if I take kindly to this, but I have to admit, I can be a little cooky like Phoebe and off the wall at times.

Well, this week I feel like I have been living out a Friends episode. If you are not familiar with the show, you will probably be bored by this. Anyway, the episode that I am referring to is the "What If" episode. The gang sits around and speculates on what life would've been like if they had taken different paths 5 years earlier. I can't remember much about the episode other than the fact that Phoebe was projected as a highly successful business woman with heart problems. I never thought that I would identify with her in this area, but this week I did.

Tuesday was my first visit to the cardiologist. I have been experiencing heart palpitations for about 10 months. I believe that all of these flutters and flips are related to stress. I tend to internalize far too many things and when I am especially stressed or hung up on something in particular, my heart goes crazy. After 10 months of having these feelings off and on I decided that it may be smart to explore the cause of these palpitations. So, next Wednesday I will have a stress test and echocardiogram done. Yes, this 27 year old will be hooked up to a 12-lead EKG on the treadmill. I am not too concerned and will be glad to have solid evidence that nothing is wrong with me...well, nothing is wrong with my heart at least!

It is amazing what stress can do to your body.

All About the Little Things

Today was just one of those days where I just needed to go to Pickens, hang out with Mom, Dad and Tanner and just chill. There is something very safe and tranquil about being in the house that you grew up in with the people who love you most. My soul just needed the little things today.

As I was walking this evening I was reminded of how much the little things matter. I was thinking about a conversation that I had with a good friend not too long ago. Her belief that God would heal her little boy of cancer convicted me of how little I trust and believe God. I was sharing that with her and she said...you know, Karis, you trust God every night that when you go to bed you will wake up. You trust that the sun will rise and that your life will go on. In the grand scheme of things....those are huge. If you didn't wake up you would no longer be here and if the sun did not rise, we would cease to exist. She went on to say...if I can trust God for my next breath and believe that tomorrow will happen, then surely I can believe that my son will be ok. (And her son is completely cancer free and a living miracle and example of God's faithfulness!) I have thought about that a lot and tonight, on my walk, I thought about her words again. So, I began to think through all of the things that I have and how faithful God is to provide in EVERY area of my life. See, this is kind of a big deal to me because I so easily fall into Satan's trap of believing that if God has not answered me in just ONE area of my life, then God is not worthy of my trust. I can be such an idiot...and I am so grateful that God can handle it! I am also very thankful that God continues to teach me these things about myself.

God just shows up all the time...in the little things. He met me right where I was in Pickens, SC. I encourage you to take time to enjoy the little things because eventually we will all learn that they are really what life is all about!

Probably the Most Honest Post Ever

I don't know what the Big Guy is up to in my life. I guess if I had to label it I would call it refinement. There is nothing easy about the refining process. It involves some kind of catalyst to bring about the final product. When refining silver, fire is used to bring about the purest shine. Well, my friends, I believe God has been using fire with me. The only problem is, I am still waiting on the shine. Here is a run-down of the past 2 months of my life.

May 19th-I return to Greenville. I am excited to be moving home because I know that Greenville is where God is leading me. Why does God need me in Greenville? Well, I wasn't sure then and I am even more unsure now!

Beginning of June 2008-I meet this guy. We hit it off. I am enjoying dating and getting to know him. I am on cloud nine...this must be God rewarding my obedience in moving home, right?

End of June 2008-I am growing weary of this guy ( I only realize this in hind sight), but I keep ignoring those feelings. I am having too much fun and it is way too nice to have someone to talk to every night...especially while on the road.

Beginning of July 2008-The guy ends things with me. I am sad. I begin to wonder what God is up to. Must've been wrong about the whole reward thing, right?

Middle of July 2008-The guy calls back. Let's be friends. We can be friends, can't we? Maybe this is God giving me a 2nd chance....why should those weary feelings matter anyway?

End of July 2008-We can't be friends and I have very little respect left for the guy. Not the result I was going for.

August 2008- Left to sort all of the above out in my mind....

AND, that is where you find me now. Trying to sort out the why....why God chooses to do things the way that He does. Or, better yet, try to discern why God allows us to be so us for so long.

While July was not exactly a good month for me in the guy department, it has proven to be a great month for me in the self-actualization department. I have learned so much about myself that is in dire need of change.

1. I have not fine-tuned God's voice in my life. If I had heeded the warning of my soul at the very first sign of trouble, my heart would've been way more protected. I second guessed the uneasiness in the pit of my stomach and chose immediate gratification. Now I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what God's whispers sound like. It is up to me to listen the first time, next time. GULP!
2. I live in the past and future, not the present. God's word tells us in Matthew not to worry about tomorrow for today has enough trouble of it's own. God also tells us to lay our burdens on Him because His load is easy. I could go on and on as to why I should never worry about the future and regret the past, but the truth of the matter is that I do. I live in a world of regret and lose hope for the future....not a good way to do things, at all! So, now, I am trying to take things day by day. And, in the moments where I am able to do that...they are much lighter and I find myself enjoying right where I am-in the grip of God's grace for that very moment.
3. Trust-I am always brought back to the amount of trust that I lack. God is all over me about trusting Him and I know that the past 2 months happened the way that they did so that I can and will learn to trust God more. Trust....God will get it out of me one way or another.
4. Contentment. God is teaching me to be content in Him regardless of my circumstances. I am such an honest and emotional person. I dwell on my feelings for days and days and exhaust myself. Well, God has convicted me to suck it up. Those were the exact words that He laid on my heart. After I stopped feeling sorry for my single self, my days have gotten a lot better. Contentment. In God. Completely. It is possible and I will get there...with His help!

So, the journey continues. At the end of August I will be changing companies. I will still be working from my home in Greenville and traveling, but the travel should be much more manageable. This, indeed, is an answered prayer. I am excited to have this opportunity and know that God has provided.

As for dating and boys....well, all I can do is wait...and enjoy this ever so gifted present that I am living in!

MIA

Yes, I have been missinging in action for the past month. Not to fear....I am A-ok and trucking along. I don't have much to report at the moment. Stay tuned...I will be back!