Yesterday was the big day...the day of the stress test. And, as you would know, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my heart. It was actually pretty cool to look up on the screen and see such a healthy heart and to listen as it beat in perfect rhythm. Our bodies are truly amazing creations.
So if nothing is wrong with my heart, what is the problem you ask. And the answer is-MY HEAD! Now that I know, for certain, that nothing is wrong with my heart I can only attribute all of this heart fluttering to stress and the mind games I play with myself. I am so thankful that nothing is wrong, but how do I fix my head?
God had to shake me up a little and let my heart go a little crazy for me to realize that I worry WAY too much. I always tell others not to worry, that everything will be ok. While I believe such is true for others, I don't believe it for myself. I believe this may be a problem with a little thing called CONTROL! Friends tell me that I always seemed so composed and seem like I have my life together. I always laugh at this perception because inside I feel as though I am a complete wreck, never knowing which end is up. For a long time I have relished in the fact that I am a mess. If I am a mess, then poor choices and living life the way I want to is acceptable, right? It is only those folks who have never encountered diappointment, heartbreak or devastation that "really" have it all together and figured out. Bah-ha-ha! Does anyone really "have it together"?
I know that the questions that I have raised are completely rhetorical. Putting the answers into practice is what is I find difficult. How do I relinquish control of my thoughts? How do I choose not to believe something? Sometimes, how do I know the difference between what is true and what is not? The only solution that answers all of these questions is trusting in the One who NEVER changes...who never exists on a whim.....the One who is TRUTH and the One who has gone BEFORE me.
So, here's to a new, chilled-out, hippie kinda Karis. That's right folks, I am heading in the direction of a worry-free life. I am learning to rest in the Truth.
1 comment:
I am glad you reported your test results. I knew you were going, but I forgot to ask about them. I guess hiring new girls to replace the old ones all within a weeks time is getting to me... Whoah, God, whats going on? He is putting us through relinquishing control over our lives at the same time. This isnt supposed to happen, you or I are supposed to go through it at separate times so then when the other goes through it, we can be the "I've been there, I will help you" person. Its a good thing we can still help each other through it. But interesting how its all playin gout. Control...we can totally give it up! I love you and I am glad your little heart is just a beatin' to the rhythm of life.
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